I remember when I first arrived in Xela I was thinking to myself for the first few days, what am I doing here? How did I ever think this was a good idea??! And I'm stuck here by myself at least until March!!! But as I was leaving I was thinking, What if I never get to come back? How am I already leaving?! Why is it so difficult for Guatemalans to get visas to the states, so the only way I'll ever see my friends again is if I go back??
11 months is a long time to live somewhere when somewhere else is still "home." As I left Guatemala I felt like I was leaving home and going home at the same time. It's a weird feeling and I didn't like it. Still don't. If you've been reading my blog then you already know the stories and the crazy adventures. You know the things I'll miss and the things I won't. You pretty much know it all, so I won't bore you with things you already know. The only thing you don't know is where my head and my heart are at right now. Leaving Guatemala was like leaving the place where my life was and not knowing if I'd ever be back. It was like leaving everything I'd grown to know and love and knowing that even if I go back one day, it will never be the same. I was pretty bummed on the plane ride (you can ask my mom if you don't believe me). But then we were getting close to our final descent into Seatac and I found myself getting really excited to be back in the place I've called home my whole life, no matter where I happened to find myself in the world. I got to see my best friend, my boyfriend, and my crazy brother upon arrival at the baggage claim and I was stoked. Also tired....I'm not a fan of daylight savings changing right before I came home so that I had to have a 2 hour difference instead of just 1 (Guatemala doesn't participate in daylight savings, so the time difference between here and there depends on the time of year). I got home and everything seemed the same as when I left (except for 2 toothbrushes in a ziplock (still don't know whose they are!!) and a bucket of dog food in my room): I'm pretty sure the washcloth hanging in the bathroom was from me.....in March!! My conditioner was just as full as when I left, my bed still was as cozy as ever.....oh, I was also missing a lot of clothes (thanks Fenda!). But everything is the same!! Sure, there's a Walmart now and a couple other new things around town, but for the most part it's the same old place. Makes me feel like I never left, like Guatemala was all in my head.
I don't know what I expected. I guess I just thought things would be a little different...maybe like I would be different. Only thing that seems different is that I sometimes think in Spanish and I have to really focus on throwing my toilet paper in the toilet (I've only messed it up once, so I think I'm doing alright!). It's a really weird feeling. A year is a long time, but I feel like it went by in the blink of an eye....but also like it was a lifetime. I don't like it, it's really weird. But don't get me wrong, I'm so glad to be home. I can't wait to see my niece and nephew (I just hope they remember who I am!!!!) and the rest of my family, I can't wait to get back into the swing of things and start feeling like I'm in "real life" again (for some reason Guatemala didn't feel like real life, it felt like something parallel), I can finally go to church again (I went in G-mala, but not as often as I would have liked because of my job) and with people who I know and love, I'm stoked to be able to rock climb again (I did it twice the whole time I was gone, and one of those times shouldn't count).....there are a ton of things I'm excited about as far as being home again. But there's something that my good friend Ivan told me that I'm now seeing he was totally right about: You're going to have 2 homes now. You're going to leave part of yourself in Xela and you're always going to want to be in both places. You'll wake up some mornings thinking that you're in Guatemala and then realize you're not. Yep. That about sums it up.
Would I recommend doing what I did? In a heartbeat! It was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I learned a ton about everything (Spanish, English, myself, responsibility, the world outside of the US, choosing friends wisely....just to name a few) and I wouldn't trade that time for anything. If I could go back and do it all over again I wouldn't change it...except I might've stayed just a little longer (I mean, I had just gotten a new 3-month visa that I kinda feel like I wasted, haha!). I think that everyone should get outside of their comfort zone and do something by themselves before they get too many "real world" responsibilities. But the only thing I would say is to just be sure you know what you're getting yourself into. I mean, going there is so exciting, being there is amazing, but remember that you're going to have to leave one day and it doesn't matter how excited you are to go home, it's always going to suck to leave. I guess that was the only thing (emotionally speaking) that I didn't account for when I planned my trip. But I'm 100% serious when I say that, even with the suckiness of leaving, I wouldn't take it back for anything. It was the best 11 months of my life. Do it. Tell your friends to do it. But do it alone, you learn way more way faster....but be smart. I can see how it would really suck to be in a foreign country alone for a year if you don't make good choices. I made some dumb choices and I just wanted to be at home in my bed with my bestie, not in Guatemala alone in my apartment. But I know that if I'd gone with someone else who spoke English, I never would've learned Spanish as quickly as I did. If I'd gone with a friend, I never would have made as many friends as I did. If I'd gone with a traveling buddy, I never would have learned how to do so much for myself. Do it. And if you're planning on going to Guatemala, hit me up....I might have a tip or 2 to share with you.
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| Some of my super awesome friends: Patty, Gio, Lesly, Ricardo, Ivan, Mario, and Josue |
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