Just the other day I started reading the book of Genesis and today was chapter 3: The fall of man. I know that traditionally everyone likes to blame Eve (and women in general) for the world being the way it is today, because Eve was too dumb to see through the devil's lies and stay away from that stupid fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. And people have argued back that Adam ate the fruit too, it's not like when Eve tried to give it to him he protested. So I've always had this view that it was both of their faults and if Eve hadn't done it that day Adam would've done it a different day...it was bound to happen, basically. Well today I noticed this: "she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband
who was with her, and he ate." (v. 6b) For some reason I've always pictured Adam off doing his own thing the whole time the serpent was talking to Eve and he just happened to be walking by when Eve offered it to him, or she called him over to try some or something....but I never pictured him standing right there next to her the whole time.
First, I think it's interesting that the serpent never addressed Adam, only Eve. But more importantly, I think it's weird that Adam never said anything during this whole conversation; he never corrected Eve when she said that God said they'd die if they even touched the tree, he never questioned where the serpent was getting his information, he never said, "hey Eve, maybe we shouldn't because we don't even know who this serpent is, but we do know that God created all of this wonderfulness and He probably said we shouldn't eat from this tree for a reason." He never stood up for his wife when she was being deceived. No, I'm not going on a rant about how men are terrible, because I don't think they are. My point is that I think we often over-romanticize the garden and what people were like before sin entered. I think that we think that if Adam and Eve had never eaten that fruit then everything in the world would be peachy. But even before sin entered the world humans were still humans, they still had free will and I don't think they always chose to do what was good, they just chose to not do what was wrong. I think there's a big difference between doing no harm and doing good.
I guess I was just struck by the fact that I also fall into this trap of wondering what life would've been like if they'd never eaten that fruit, if no one had ever eaten the fruit. I find myself thinking that everything would've been peachy, but now I'm thinking that may not be true. People are still people. Maybe that sounds depressing and cynical to you, but I actually find comfort in that. I never have to wonder what could have been because I think we would've ended up in the same place we are today with or without the fruit, which makes the idea of God's love even crazier to me. I mean, I know that He knew everything before He even made us, but that's really hard for me to wrap my head around so I still find myself sometimes thinking that maybe when He created us He had a twinge of hope that we'd always obey Him. But no, He always always always knew that we'd screw up and that He'd have to give up His Son for us and that we'd continue to turn our backs on Him even after all that. It makes me think about this song that stops me in my tracks every time I hear it: "In wonder and fear You knit me together. You should've been scared when You breathed into me. I have a feeling You knew what I'd say and what I'd do, but Your love said do it anyway." How crazy is that?! We've never been perfect, even when we thought we were, but because God's love is so unfathomably huge He still made us.
I think the dumbest part about all of this is that even though I realize how huge God's love is for me, I'm still going to screw up and do stuff that He's told me not to do. I'm still going to do things that show that I don't really rely on His love to sustain me. I'm reading this book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp (super good book, but I can't read a lot of it at a time because every other paragraph had some sentence that punches me in the face) and there are these two parts that I think of a lot when I think about how I live my life, the things that I think about, and how they reflect what I believe about God.
"All fear is but the notion that God's love ends.
Did you think I end, that My bread warehouses are limited,
that I will not be enough? But I am infinite, child. What can end in Me?
Can life end in Me? Can happiness? Or peace? Or anything you need?
Doesn't your Father always give you what you need?
I am the Bread of Life and My bread for you will never end.
Fear thinks God is finite and fear believes that there is not going to be enough
and hasn't counting one thousand gifts, endlessly counting gifts,
exposed the lie at the heart of all fear? In Me, blessings never end
because My love for you never ends. If My goodnesses toward you end,
I will cease to exist, child. As long as there is God in heaven,
there is grave on earth and I am the spilling God of the uncontainable,
forever-overflowing-love-grace."
"If authentic, saving belief is the act of trusting,
then to choose stress is an act of disbelief...atheism.
Anything less than gratitude and trust is practical atheism."
I have a lot to work on in my life. But I find comfort in the fact that God is showing me new things because it means that I'm hearing from Him, it means that I'm still listening for His voice...or maybe He's talking louder. Either way, I know that God is real and that He loves me more than anyone else could, and while I don't always live in a way that shows I believe that, He keeps reminding me.
