A man after God's own heart

If you've ever met my grandpa, you know the kind of man he was. If you've never met him, but you've heard me talk about him, you know how important he was in my life. You know that he loved Jesus with his whole life and you know that he lived generosity and humility every moment of every day. You know that he had seemingly unending patience (I sure do! I'm pretty sure I wasn't the easiest child to deal with sometimes, but he always had grace to extend to me) and that he always had something sweet to share, whether it was candy, donuts, ice cream, or a sweet word. You know that he had the best practical jokes and you've never looked at a pancake the same way since the first time you had his pancakes. If you've ever met my grandpa, you probably loved him. You know that he lived his whole life waiting for the day when he would meet Jesus. If you've ever met my grandpa, you know that he will be incredibly missed by all who knew him. But you know that he died in faith, not having received the things promised and that he's now in heaven, with more joy than he could have ever dreamed of and he's received all that was promised and more. If you've ever met my grandpa, you know that he and my grandma were like two halves of a whole and that he'd been missing her something fierce for the last two and a half years. If you'd spent time with my grandpa during those two and a half years, you know the he sometimes couldn't remember that she was gone and often thought that she'd gone on some trip and hadn't called for months. If you'd spent time with my grandpa during that time, your heart broke every time he said something along those lines. You know that, even in his memory-challenged state, he was never unsure about what God had called him to here on earth. If you've ever met my grandpa, your heart is overflowing with joy on his behalf because everything that he ever hoped for, everything he ever dreamed about, everything he ever worked toward, has come to fruition. If you've ever met my grandpa, you can easily picture him walking up to the throne of God for the first time and hearing God welcome him saying, "well done, My good and faithful servant."



Never have I known another such man. Never have I seen another such love for others. All others. Never have I heard another man preach the love of Jesus with such conviction. Never have I seen such generosity. Incredible generosity. Heaven got to welcome home the best of the best on Good Friday. The sacrifice of Jesus and His victorious resurrection had never meant as much to me before as it did this year. My heart is sad that I won't get to see my grandpa and tell him that I love him and hold his hand again this side of heaven, but my sadness is nothing compared to the joy I know that he is currently experiencing. How can I nurse a broken heart when I know that his is fuller than it's ever been? I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to go visit my grandpa every year for the past few years. I'm so grateful that I got to tell him that I loved him every time I left and that every time I left, I knew it could be the last, so I never wasted a goodbye. I'm grateful for the time I got to spend with both of my grandparents and for everything that they taught me. I can't imagine what my life would have been like without having them around and I am so full of joy knowing that they are together again, and with God, whom they lived their entire lives for. My heart is broken and full and that's ok.

Mom!

Train up a child in the way they should go;

even when they are old they will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

My mom is the best of the best! She raised me to respect others, to love people the way Jesus loves people, to clean up after myself, to take responsibility for my actions, to be independent, to have a passion for life, to have patience with people, to listen well, to be a good student.....the list could go on. Who I am today has been shaped quite extensively because of her. But here's something I've been thinking about recently (not, by any means, for the first time): I have a lot of moms. There are so many women who have poured into my life throughout the years: my stepmom, grandma, aunts, Sunday school teachers, friends' moms, youth group leaders, camp moms...again, the list could go on. I have been surrounded for my whole life by the most amazing women who have taught me more than I will ever fully realize. All of these women have cared about me enough to give me advice, invite me into their homes, include me in their comings and goings, pray for me, laugh with me, teach me life lessons, and even cry with me at times.

My mom never ceases to amaze me. She raised us four crazy kids, she taught us at home until we started college (sure, she gave us a little push to do Running Start so that college would come a bit earlier for us...), she ran us all over town for our various sports and play dates (do people still say that?) and youth groups, and she always, always modeled for us the love of Jesus. But one of the greatest gifts she has given me was letting these other women step in sometimes. Now, bear with me here, letting might sound a little controlling, but I think there's a certain grace that's needed to open up the door to your kids' lives and let other adults pour into them. And maybe I'm just being an oblivious kid here and thinking that my mom had absolutely no problem handing over the reins from time to time, but I think we all know that one parent that keeps their kids locked away (not literally!...I hope) so that they're the only ones who can have an influence on them. My mom was not one of those parents and I couldn't be more grateful to her for that (and my dad too, but this is about mother's day and moms so....for another time). 

I've done a lot of things in my life without my mom holding my hand the whole time. I think I'm naturally a pretty independent person (you wouldn't know it from the fact that I still live with my dad...but, again, for another time) and my mom has never tried to squelch that. She's supported all my big life decisions, even if she was maybe a bit apprehensive about some of them (like me going to Guatemala by myself for a year), and I don't know that she's ever told me I can't do something (as an adult, I'm sure as a child she told me I couldn't do a lot of things...like touch the hot stove). Basically, what I'm trying to say is that my mom is bomb.com and so is every woman who has taken the time to do life with me. 

Happy Mother's Day to you wonderful, wonderful women!! 

I am who I am today and I have the dreams and goals that I have because of who you are and the impacts that you have had on my life. There will never be enough words to express my gratitude.

My cup overflows

I lived in Guatemala from December 2012 until November 2013, teaching English, working on my Spanish, and learning how to live far outside my comfort zone. Coming home was really hard; I felt like a big part of me was being left behind in Guatemala. So I started to think about how I could

Kevin, Jeferson, Me

continue my relationship with the country. Of course, I still had lots of friends there that I would keep in touch with, but I wanted another connection. So about a year and a half ago I started to look into sponsoring a child in Guatemala through Compassion International. I figured I would be able to connect a little better with a child in Guatemala because we'd automatically have something in common, plus it would be far more likely for me to able to meet this child in person because I knew I'd be back in Guatemala some day. Well, that day came and I met Jeferson and his family and I don't know if I can fully describe it.
I had kind of high expectations. I've read so many stories of people meeting their sponsor children and it changing them forever, being the experience of a lifetime. Needless to say, I was really really really looking forward to our meeting. I had to arrange the visit through Compassion and do a background check and all that jazz before they approved my visit, and once they approved the visit they had to set me up with one of their employees in Guatemala City to be the visit "host" (translator, Compassion representative, ensuring the security of both parties, etc). When I got the itinerary and projected costs, I was a little disappointed. I only got to spend a few hours with Jeferson and I was going to have to pay about $450 after all was said and done, but I knew this was what I wanted to do, so there was no backing out.

Back row: Grandma, Mom, Grandma
Front: Jeferson, me, Kevin

I was staying in Xela ([Quetzaltenango, if you're looking on a map] where I lived in 2013) and my host was coming from Guatemala City. We were to meet Jeferson and his family in Huehuetenango. I was planning to take a bus from Xela to Huehue and meet everyone there, but Mayra (my host) called me just before I left and said she could pick me up on her way since she was driving the car that I was essentially renting. Great. So I met her at Cuatro Caminos (a crossroads about 20 minutes from Xela that heads in the directions of Huehue, Totonicapan, Guatemala City, and Xela) and we began our drive. It's about an hour and a half in car from Cuatro Caminos to Huehue. We chatted, she said my Spanish was really good and loved that I talk like a Guatemalan, and we arrived at McDonald's to meet the fam. I was a combination of nervous and ecstatic. When we walked into the restaurant and I saw them it was weird. I thought I would be filled with this overwhelming joy, but it was kinda awkward actually. I mean, it was like meeting people.....and meeting people isn't really my favorite thing. I mean, Jeferson awkwardly hugged my waist after much prodding from his mom, grandmas, and the coordinator of his student center, I then met his brother, Kevin, we took a bunch of obligatory photos, and we all sat down to chat. I'm not even kidding you, I couldn't think of a single thing to say! I was feeling really disappointed that there wasn't this incredible connection between us and I couldn't believe we still had like 5 hours together.

Kevin, Ronald McDonald, Jeferson, Me

We ate our food and...it was nice, We adults had nice conversation, y'know, as much as you can when no one really knows each other. I thought it was really sweet that Jeferson's mom, Candy, was asking me about my family, all the people she'd only seen in pictures. Especially Mina, she asked about her a lot. And as we were heading out to go to the student center, Candy gave me a purse they'd bought for me. They bought me a gift. That was supposed to be my job! To buy them gifts. We got in the car and everything changed. The boys got really chatty, telling jokes, asking me to tell jokes. We started chewing this gum that has a tattoo on every wrapper and they gave me a couple tattoos and put a few on themselves too. This. I thought, this is what I was hoping for. When we got to the student center....if I were one to cry easily, I would've been bawling. All of the children and volunteers had created a welcome line for me and started cheering when I walked in, they had a big sign that said Bienvenida Lisa Chanthavisay (Welcome), Jeferson gave me this awesome photo album he'd made with pictures of his family, and each class had prepared a small performance for me. They showed me around all of the classrooms and showed me where all the girls ages 12+ learn to sew (but like, beautiful beautiful stuff) and where all the boys ages 12+ do wood shop (again, beautiful pieces). Then, when we were about to leave, they called Mayra and I up onto the stage to thank us for coming to visit. They gave us each a basket of cookies and a wooden spoon that they boys had made, and the girls gave me a beautiful red apron they'd made. How was it that when I went there to bless them, they were actually the ones blessing me?

From there we went to Jeferson's home. Again, the car ride was all laughs and selfies. I think what shocked me the most when we got to their house was that it was just like all the other houses. What I mean to say is, it wasn't like "Oh my gosh, you live in a shack!" it was a normal, small town Guatemalan house. Which, to be fair, most of the houses are pretty scrappy...but I mean, it was something I was already used to. What I wondered was, if their house is just like all the others, how many more people need help? Jeferson was so excited to show me his bed though. He grabbed my hand and pulled me through their small living room and into their small bedroom, furnished with two beds, a television, and some shelves. He proudly jumped onto his bed telling me that's where he slept and pointed to the bed right next to it (and I mean literally, right next to it) saying that's where his parents slept. In that same structure were the living quarters of Jeferson's grandparents.
We then drove about 10 minutes to his other grandparents' house, where Kevin lives, and I met more of their family. Kevin too, was so excited to show me where he slept and where his grandparents slept. Then they wanted to take me up the hill a bit to this great viewpoint of all of Chiantla and part of  Huehue, but the boys really wanted to play soccer so we went back down and played for a few minutes. Unfortunately, I'm not so good at soccer, plus the elevation was killing my lungs, but all the same it was so fun to just be playing soccer with these little kids I'd just met, but by now was definitely feeling that connection with.

Jeferson, Me, Mayra

My gifts :)

Before I knew it, it was time to go, and I couldn't believe how the time had flown and how I felt like even though I had come with the intention to bless, I was in fact the one leaving with a cup overflowing with blessings. It was so awkward at first, and I was getting frustrated with myself for having had such high expectations, but by the time I was getting in the car to leave this family behind, I was overwhelmed, overjoyed, overflowing, and feeling like there was now an even larger portion of my heart being left in Guatemala. I don't know what it is about a child grabbing your hand and pulling you with excitement to show you something, or a group of children gathering around you asking you to say the numbers or colors in English and then being totally amazed when you also know the numbers in Mam (the Mayan language in the Huehue area), or being showered with gifts from people who you were trying to shower gifts upon, or being prayed for by people you've just met....I don't know what it is. But it's incredible. I spend more on my rock climbing gym membership every month than I do sponsoring Jeferson, and yet, the welcome I received in every place while visiting him made me feel like I was Bill Gates and I'd just donated a brand new student center to them, fully equipped with all of the latest technology. It doesn't take a whole lot to impact a lot of lives, I've learned. God takes what you have to offer and He multiplies it, He turns it into something beautiful. Luke 6:38 (NLT) says, "Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full--pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back." I knew this in my head before I went, I'd experienced God's blessing before I went, God's provision, but I never expected to be on the receiving end of this. I never expected to feel like the one walking away completely full and overflowing. All I can say is that God is always good and I am always loved.

A good chunk of the family

Gender (in)equality

So this thing happened yesterday that got me to thinking...well, more accurately, writing, I've been thinking about this for some time. Imagine, if you will, me standing at the parking meter trying to pay and a guy comes up, also wanting to pay for parking:

Guy: What a pain in the ass, huh?

Me: Yeah.

Guy: How much is parking down here anyway?

Me: It's $1/hour.

Guy: Wow! Well, that's a lot cheaper than Seattle.

Me (and here was my fatal mistake): Yeah, isn't it like $3.50 in Seattle?

Guy: Umm, I thought it was more than that...

Me: Oh, well I guess I haven't been there for a while.

Guy: Wow, you should really get out more. (in a very suggestive and sarcastic way)

Me: Yeah, well *begins walking away* I don't like Seattle, too much traffic.

Guy: Gotta go to class?

Me: Nah, *starts walking away quicker* I'm gonna go get some food.

Does that kind of stuff actually work on girls?! Here's how I see it, he knows absolutely nothing about me except how I look. Now, I thought about putting out a Facebook status, asking if that kind of stuff actually worked on girls, but I realized that someone somewhere would probably say, "Well, was he cute/hot/attractive?" Girls get all up in a fit if a guy calls them hot or sexy or whatever, saying that the man is totally objectifying them and not wanting them for who they are as people but for the pretty face they sport. So what's the difference when a girl does it to a guy? How is it socially acceptable for a girl to have 15 boards on Pinterest called "Eye Candy," "Sexy Men," "Big Muscles," "Shirts Off, Hot Bods," and yet if a guy has one photo of a scantily clad woman he's a pig? I'm not saying that it should be socially acceptable both ways, but I am saying that there shouldn't be such a huge double standard. Gender equality has been a huge issue in recent years, tons of women's rights movements and people all over being labeled as feminists. I'm not saying any of these things are bad. In fact, I think that men and women should have equal rights as human beings and that there should only be a wage gap in cases where experience/job performance are the deciding factors, not gender. But here's where I get confused/frustrated: there's so much contradiction in what women are saying they want! [And I use the term women very broadly and I'm probably grossly over-generalizing, but this is just what I see.]

We (women) say we want equal rights, that we want to be treated the same way, and yet, "Chivalry is dead!" We complain that men aren't stepping up and being men. It's sexist and we feel like we're being put in a box if we're expected to make dinner every night, do the laundry, and keep the house clean, but if you go out and your man doesn't pay or hold open the door for you, it's the end of the world. We don't want to be belittled for being women, we don't want to be treated as the weaker sex, and yet, "Babe, can you move the couch to the other side of the room for me?" We don't want to be objectified, it's disgusting that men look at us and only see our bodies, but if I don't turn some heads in this new mini-dress then all the men here must be totally blind. And again, the Pinterest thing, women can talk about men's bodies all they want and it's acceptable, nay, encouraged, but if a man mentions anything about a woman's body then all bets are off. 

Every girl seems to want a fairy tale life: man comes and sweeps me off my feet, waits on me hand and foot, and sets me up with a giant castle (full of good books) to live in. BUT he'd better not ask me to give up my career to follow him and he'd better not expect me to do any house work if he's not willing to go 50/50 with me, but all the repairs and stuff are up to him (that's man's work). We want to be looking at both sides of the coin at the same time. We want all the good stuff that comes with equal rights, but we also want to keep all the good stuff about being women. We don't want to be put in a box, but we want men to stay in their man box. How do we not see this huge double standard?! I just think it's pretty ridiculous. 

Let it snow!

Madison and me 

 Here we go again! Another trip to Missouri Valley, IA to visit my family. This time I got to go with my cousin, Jonathan. We got picked up from the Omaha airport by our cousin, Sarah, and her adorable daughter, Madison. It's the first time I've been back since my grandma, June, passed away, and the first time Jonathan has ever gone, so the feel was a smidge different than past times I've been.

Jonathan and me

It was great, as always, to see my uncle Bruce, aunt Janice, cousin Sarah, her husband Nate, their daughter Madison, and Lyle McIntosh, the man who sponsored my dad when he first came to the states, but the main person who brings me back year after year is my grandpa Don. I'd heard some warnings before I arrived that he sometimes didn't remember that Grandma had passed away or that he knew she'd passed but thought he missed the funeral, or that she'd been gone for years. So I was ready for anything, but mostly really stoked to have to opportunity to visit my grandpa again.

Notice how deep the walkway snow is.....yikes!

Beautiful sunrise.....so. much. snow.

We spent our first day there at the Omaha Zoo with Sarah and Madison and had loads of fun making weird faces....oh, and seeing the animals and exhibits. In the days to come we had some great meals with everyone and had some good quality time with the fam. Then came Saturday. It snowed on Saturday. The weather forecasts were giving us mixed messages: 1-3", 3-6", 3-9"......it was really unclear as to what we were gonna get. It was kinda weird when it started snowing because there was nothing sticking downtown in the valley, but up on the hill, where the nursing home is, almost the whole ground was white. So I went to sleep that night thinking that I might wake up to a little snow on the ground. Boy was I in for a big surprise!! It looked like the whole world had turned white....like the clouds had just dumped and dumped and dumped and dumped snow alllllll night long. That might actually be what happened. Anyways, there were supposed to be ~40mph winds, and it was sssooooo cold outside. Aunt Janice and I wanted to build a snowman so we spent a good 30 minutes getting all bundled up and probably spent a total of......4 minutes outside. The snow was all powdery and wouldn't pack together anyways. But mostly it was just cold. It was actually super nice to have a day when we couldn't go anywhere though. We just relaxed, hung out, ate some yummy foods. Great day. Except for that whole super bowl thing, but whatever. Ancient history.
Monday we still had to work around the snow, but it cleared up a little bit so it wasn't the worst ever. We got lunch again with Lyle and he took us to the DeSoto Bend (a wildlife reserve) Museum. Great place. You should go if you're ever there. We were supposed to spend the evening with my friend Matt in Omaha (I met him in Guatemala and now he's in med school at Creighton, so it's pretty awesome that I get to hang out with him when I go back to visit family), but we were still a little worried about the snow/ice so we postponed until Tuesday right before the airport. Instead we had a great dinner with Bruce, Janice, Nate, Sarah, and Madison.

Grandma's favorite Bible verse found in Grandpa's Bible

Tuesday was a whirlwind of things. We got all packed up and headed down to the valley to drop Bruce off at the shop (so that we could leave his truck there when we left for the airport) and headed up to the nursing home to spend our last couple hours with Grandpa. Spending time with him is a lot different now that Grandma is gone. He got a Christmas tree ornament from Hospice (I think) with Grandma's picture in it and it says "In Memory Of...." He pulls it out quite often to tell us about it and where he got it from. At first, he was saying that she went on a trip to Nebraska and next thing he know, she was gone and didn't even get to say goodbye. That was heartbreaking, But most of the time after that, he seemed to know that she was there when she died and that it wasn't a really sudden thing. Sometimes he would say things like, "Yeah, I was saving those Christmas cards so that Mama could see them..............but I guess she's not around to see them anymore." Like he forgot for a minute. Mostly though, he would just get stuck on one topic and have the same 5-minute conversation with us over and over again. That was pretty normal. My favorite thing was leafing through his preaching Bible to see old sermon notes and various underlined verses and thoughts. While his memory is definitely getting worse, I think his physical health is pretty good. He's still the most generous person I know and still has the most insatiable sweet tooth I've ever seen. I remember when I was little, thinking that he and my grandma were so old, but my grandpa is going to be 83 next Monday and he's still crackin' the best jokes in town. Leaving him (and Grandma, in previous years) is always the hardest part. They were probably (aside from my parents) the most influential people in my life, so it's always hard to leave knowing that I might not see them again. This time Grandma was gone and Grandpa spends his days without the woman he met in grade school and spent his life with ever since (crazy, right?!). I think that made it harder to leave. I recently finished reading a book called A Teaspoon of Earth and Sea and there was this old couple and the wife died and the husband refused to let the wife be buried without him because they were always going to be buried next to each other. The husband made everyone agree to wait 10 days to bury his wife, in order to give him time to die too. He died on day 9. Reading that made me think of my grandparents. The way the husband in the book was lost without his wife of so many years. I can't imagine living so closely with one person for so many years and then being without them. So, all things considered, I think my grandpa is doing pretty well.

Selfie with Grandpa!

After a bit of a teary farewell, we headed to Omaha with Lyle. He took us to meet up with Matt for lunch and there was another farewell. We spent a nice afternoon with Matt, got some super delicious ice cream, and saw his super sweet house, then he took us to the airport and we were off. Our friend Brandyn picked us up when we arrived and then it was back to home sweet home.
The week went by way too fast, as usual, but (also as usual) I feel so blessed to have had to chance to make another trip out there. I have the best family on the planet. But we definitely agreed that next time we have to go when it's not winter.

Apparently Runza is a big deal in Nebraska...it's not my fave

In other news, if you'd like to send a birthday card to my grandpa, I'm sure he'd love it! He's turning 83 on Monday the 16th. His address is:
                             1010 Longview Rd
                            Mo. Valley, IA 51555

Me and Madison

Me and Jonathan with Lyle McIntosh and his mom, Helen