¿Cuándo voy a hablar en Inglés como ella?
Es que no entiendo nada.
I teach English for Speakers of Other Languages (ESOL, for short) to adults. It's a blast! I never thought I'd enjoy a job as much as I love mine. I love getting to know my students and spending time with them as they chug along on their journey in pursuit of a solid handle on the English language. I love trying all the wonderful foods my students bring to our potlucks, I love having inside jokes with my classes, I love seeing how willing everyone is to help out their classmates even when there's a language barrier. I love seeing people gain more confidence in how they use English and I absolutely love hearing my students tell me about their successes. Many people assume that I teach kids, but I've never had that desire. Every time I've taught kids (or tried to), I've felt like a frustrated failure, like no one in the whole world could be worse suited for the job than me. During my master's program at UW, I got to teach a class in their international English program. It was so fun and I learned more than I ever could have dreamed I would, but I knew it wasn't the context in which I ultimately wanted to be teaching. These were students who came from all over the world to study English for a period of time and then move on, whether that meant going back home or moving on to another country. I knew my heart was with immigrants and refugees who were here for the long haul and who needed English skills to build a better life for themselves and their families. So that's where I looked after graduation and that's where I find myself now.
I studied Spanish for one year at Tacoma Community College while I was studying there through the Running Start program. I was 16. I loved it! I loved learning how to say things in another way, I loved that I knew something no one else in my family did (youngest child syndrome--always following in someone's footsteps and always trying to forge your own path), and I loved learning the rules and being able to do more than just repeat memorized sentences and phrases. After I got my BA, and before I started my MA, I went to Guatemala for a year to study more Spanish and to teach English (ain't nobody tryna spend the time and money on an MA if they don't know if they really wanna go into that field or not!). I took private Spanish lessons for 5 hours a day, 5 days a week, in addition to living in a not-so-touristy town where Spanish was almost always my only option for everyday survival. Having that experience, having to use Spanish to get where I needed to go on the bus, rent an apartment, renew my visa, perform transactions at the bank, rent rooms for my family when they came to visit, get the meats I wanted from the butcher, etc. really gave me an idea of what my students today are going through. Of course, I didn't experience even the beginning of what they all are going through. I wasn't fleeing my home country, or even leaving my home and my comfort seeking a better life for my family. I was just trying to experience the world while I killed a year of time (not really, there was more intentionality involved than just that). But I had to learn Spanish by using it and, in that sense, I understand where my students are coming from. I think this really helps me in my teaching. I think that by having learned out of necessity and forcing myself into situations outside of my comfort zone and always having to negotiate for meaning, I can empathize with my students in their struggle to always be negotiating for meaning. I believe that I have been made into a better teacher for having experienced language learning in a foreign land.
Here's the kicker: the majority of my students come from Spanish speaking nations. I'm constantly struggling between making a better connection with them by revealing that I speak Spanish and forcing them to use English as much as possible by not revealing my familiarity with the language. Most of my students know I spent time in Guatemala and that I speak Spanish and sometimes I regret them having this knowledge. You see, I have this belief that you learn a language better if you use it and I have a few students who will only speak to me in Spanish, despite me always responding in English. I have some students who use my Spanish as a crutch and refuse to let go, even though they ask me almost daily when their English will improve (in Spanish, of course). I have some students who continually tell me they don't understand (in Spanish) and then continue to ask me question upon question about what we've been working on in the lesson because they didn't understand and, instead of letting themselves be comfortable with not understanding everything, they chatted with their neighbor during the whole lesson. You see, I have this other belief that it's not fair to all of my students who don't speak Spanish for me to re-explain everything in Spanish. It is not a beneficial use of class time for them, plus it doesn't push the Spanish speakers to be uncomfortable, to be stretched. I am at constant battle within myself because I know that I could easily explain something in Spanish and I know that my student would be grateful in the moment, but I also know that doing this robs them of an opportunity to learn and I also think that doing this doesn't push me to be the kind of teacher I want to be.
So there's my dilemma. I know that I'm a better teacher for having learned a second language in a place where I needed that language to survive, but sometimes I wish I had learned a language that isn't so common. Sometimes I wish I had all the experiences that make me a better teacher, without having an easy out for a lot of my students. I also recognize that, by speaking Spanish, I do have a stronger connection with my Spanish speaking students. I recognize that it's a bit easier for me to build rapport with them and, when I'm teaching, I know which English words to use that are similar enough to Spanish words that my students will understand. I am not trying to discount the advantages that Spanish affords me. I'm just trying to be the best teacher that I can be for all of my students and I don't think that means allowing my Spanish to be used as a crutch.
Here's the kicker: the majority of my students come from Spanish speaking nations. I'm constantly struggling between making a better connection with them by revealing that I speak Spanish and forcing them to use English as much as possible by not revealing my familiarity with the language. Most of my students know I spent time in Guatemala and that I speak Spanish and sometimes I regret them having this knowledge. You see, I have this belief that you learn a language better if you use it and I have a few students who will only speak to me in Spanish, despite me always responding in English. I have some students who use my Spanish as a crutch and refuse to let go, even though they ask me almost daily when their English will improve (in Spanish, of course). I have some students who continually tell me they don't understand (in Spanish) and then continue to ask me question upon question about what we've been working on in the lesson because they didn't understand and, instead of letting themselves be comfortable with not understanding everything, they chatted with their neighbor during the whole lesson. You see, I have this other belief that it's not fair to all of my students who don't speak Spanish for me to re-explain everything in Spanish. It is not a beneficial use of class time for them, plus it doesn't push the Spanish speakers to be uncomfortable, to be stretched. I am at constant battle within myself because I know that I could easily explain something in Spanish and I know that my student would be grateful in the moment, but I also know that doing this robs them of an opportunity to learn and I also think that doing this doesn't push me to be the kind of teacher I want to be.
So there's my dilemma. I know that I'm a better teacher for having learned a second language in a place where I needed that language to survive, but sometimes I wish I had learned a language that isn't so common. Sometimes I wish I had all the experiences that make me a better teacher, without having an easy out for a lot of my students. I also recognize that, by speaking Spanish, I do have a stronger connection with my Spanish speaking students. I recognize that it's a bit easier for me to build rapport with them and, when I'm teaching, I know which English words to use that are similar enough to Spanish words that my students will understand. I am not trying to discount the advantages that Spanish affords me. I'm just trying to be the best teacher that I can be for all of my students and I don't think that means allowing my Spanish to be used as a crutch.
